Dating back 2,000 years self-love has always been a concept. It wasn’t until the past 10 years, or when social media use skyrocketed, that the term, “self-love” became a trend.
The idea of loving ourselves seems enticing, doesn’t it? We get to do face masks, cancel plans, drink lots of coffee, and buy ourselves expensive clothes. However, this is the exact opposite of what we are called to do as Christians.
Don’t get me wrong, it is important to take care of our bodies, foster our mental health, and have confidence, but there are biblical ways we can do that while also loving others.
Knowing God
The current definition of self-love is loving oneself. Our new definition of self-love is loving others as ourselves. In Mark 12 and Luke 10, God gives the command to love him with all our heart, soul, strength, and mind. Immediately after, he commands us to love our neighbor as ourselves. In Mark 12:31 he tells us “There is no command greater than these.” You’re telling me the only thing more important than loving others is loving God himself? That means it’s pretty important!
To love others, we must love God. We know this because 1 John 4:8 says, “Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.”
It is clear that loving others is a byproduct of loving God, and we can only love because of God. On our own, we are hateful, selfish beings, but the Holy Spirit gives us tools to choose love. In fact, our hearts are changed from stone to flesh by his power (Ezekiel 36:26).
So how do we love God?
- We pray for a renewed heart (Psalm 51:10) because we know it is God’s desire for us to love him and others (Luke 10:27).
- We choose God daily by prioritizing the reading of his word, avoiding fleshly desires, and praising him.
- We surround ourselves with others who love God! Proverbs 27:17- “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”
Watch your life start to change, and your desires start to become less about you!
Why We Love Others
Once we know and love God with all of our hearts, we’ll notice the result is a natural inclination to love others, or at least desire to. But why? Two reasons, both shared in 1 John 4:
First, because Jesus loved others. Verse 19 says “We love because he first loved us.” It could not be more simple than that! Our Father sent his perfect Son to live a painful life AND death, for us. There is no greater love, and that should be all the fuel we need to choose love. “In this love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.” 1 John 4:10. It is nothing we could ever do that makes him love us, but he chooses us anyway. Are we choosing to love others the same way?
Second, we are called to love. Verse 11 says, “Beloved, if God so loved, we also ought to love one another.” This is the explicit demand but there are so many other times we are told to love using different words. “Count others more significant than yourselves.” (Philippians 2:3), Look “to the interest of others.” (Philippians 2:4), and “Carry one another’s burdens,” (Galatians 6:2). The list goes on and on. There is no way we can misinterpret the calling for our lives. Are we living out this purpose?
Who We Love
When reading this, it is easy to think we can go out and love. And sometimes, it is! But what about when the temptation is strong? Will you still love the girl who hates you even when you have the chance to gossip about her? Will you still love your parents even though they’ve put restrictions on your car keys? It’s not about loving when it’s easy, it’s loving when we feel like we can’t. Jesus didn’t want to be tempted, beaten, and crucified (sorry if that’s brutal, but it’s true), but he did anyway.
As we look at the commands to love in the bible, we see that it says to love “others.”- Meaning everyone. God didn’t say pick your favorite, or only love a certain race/gender/personality/socioeconomic status. I love the verse from Luke 6:32 that says, “If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them.” Isn’t that convicting?! Our love should extend way beyond our circle of friends and family.
To go a step further, I think the whole passage prior is convicting. Luke 27-31:
27 “But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 29 If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. 30 Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. 31 Do to others as you would have them do to you.”
Let them hit the other cheek? Heck no, Lord! That is why it takes God’s love in us to love others… especially our enemies. It definitely takes strength. And no, we cannot love everyone but that one person. They are ALL God’s creation, so let’s look at them ALL from a place of love!
When We Love
Well, the obvious answer is ALWAYS! In the grocery store line, when a family member gets sick, in a room full of non-believers, or in a room full of believers! The answers to when we love are endless. However, there is a specific time, and it is the reason why I wanted to write this post.
Society has romanticized the idea of always choosing ourselves first. It is oftentimes to “keep our inner peace.” Well, I have something to tell you. We can have peace in Jesus (Philippians 4:7)! So when we are scared someone else’s “baggage” will drain us, let’s remember that we can lean on God for peace. With that being said, let’s look at some of the instances we can choose love.
Galatians 6:2 has changed my perspective completely. “Carry one another’s burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ.” We are commanded to hold our friends when they cry, pick up a coworker’s slack, and do the extra chores for our parents. It’s not something we want to do, it’s something we must do. Take some time to reflect on the times others have needed you. Have you carried their burdens? This could be as simple as being a listening ear. Just be there to carry burdens because sometimes they are too heavy to bear alone.
More specifically, think about the times others need comfort. Not just our best friend or sister, but anyone. The student being picked on at school, the homeless man by the road every day, the new mom with her hands full. When I think of the word comfort, I think of being held in loving arms. To comfort is to love. And that makes sense because Jesus does both. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 says, “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we receive from God.” Just like we discussed earlier about love, we are comforted so that we can comfort!
One of the concepts we know best, yet do the least, is forgiveness. If you know anything about the story of Jesus, you know he has substituted himself on the cross for our sins so that we can be forgiven (1 John 1:9). And if we look at the blog so far, we’ll see a trend: Because we are made in the image of God, we are called to have a character like his. It is no different for forgiveness. Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God has forgiven you.” Have you ever experienced how tiring it is to hold a grudge? Lay down all feelings of hurt and choose to forgive.
I’m not sure where I heard it, but I love the quote that says, “You are the only Bible some people will ever read.” We know God loves everyone, but sometimes we are the vessel through which he shows that! Think about whether or not you are living out the word the way we have seen here.
How We Love
It is very clear that love is not always our first option. So how do we make it our first option?
- Pray. In order to change how we live, we need prayer. Here are some things to pray radically for. A renewed heart (we can’t love like Jesus in a sinners’ condition), strength (when it feels difficult to love), energy (when we’re too tired to listen), peace (when we’re too drained to be a good friend), and humility (because pride is the root cause of the inability to love).
- Replace social media with bible time. Luke 12:34 tells us our hearts are the outpour of where our “treasure” is. If we are consuming a constant self-love culture, hanging around gossipers, and listening to hateful music, that is going to be how we act. Even the mere action of opening our bible in the mornings allows our hearts to change its priority. Some good places for truth about love are 1 John 4, Philippians 2, Luke 27, Corinthians 13, and Psalm 36.
- Listen to God’s commands. Earlier, we talked about all the different ways we are told to love. For example, when Luke 27:28 says “Pray for those who mistreat you,” that is a specific command for our reactions to be prayer when someone hurts us. In our daily lives, we should be ready to listen to what God commands us to do.
These steps are easier said than done. However, they can change lives.
Self-Love vs. Self-Care
Anything mentioned above is NOT meant to convey that we should neglect our well-being in any way. There is a, sometimes blurry, line between idolizing ourselves (what we want to avoid) and taking care of ourselves (what we should be doing.) Taking care of ourselves consists of, but is not limited to:
- Getting good sleep
- Eating a healthy, balanced diet
- Enjoying good hobbies
- Spending time with family & friends
- Exercising
- Saying positive, biblical affirmations
- Having a skincare routine
- Keeping a clean space
When we take care of ourselves, we ensure we are fulfilling the purpose God has for our lives.
Also, remember it is good to be confident. When we know who our Creator is, we know where our identity is. And when we seek approval from him, we begin to both love others and gain healthy confidence. The biblical command is to “Love one another as yourself.” Not love one another instead of yourself. Priorities are important as a Christian, and our entire lives are a battle of constantly realigning them.
The difference will be noticeable when we change our definition of self-love. Are you ready to seek that change?